Say It.

I don't know. Its always something wrong with me. The MAIN thing that's wrong, is my lack of faith and trust in God. I really believe that once it gets stronger things in my life will be a lot better. I don't know where to begin. I do, I do. Just don't know HOW to begin. Big difference to me. I need help. A lot of help.

May 19th, 2012 was the day that my life changed. The day that my 2 year old son, took his last breath. For reasons unknown, I do know that he is in a better place. Better than here with all the nonsense that was going on. God called him home for a reason, I dont know why, but it hurts so bad. I miss you baby...I love you so much. *Neurosis at her Best*

Tinting. That's the movie we saw today. We. As in my son's father, my son and myself. Family Time. Today was the first time in a looong time, that things went smoothly. Today as in January 5th 2012. (Y'all caught me after midnight) The past few nights I have been majorly sick. (Sorry if that's not a word I tend to make things up as I go or type how I speak. Its comforting to me) I told myself I was going to stop drinking and smoking cigarettes. I have been doing good. Real good. But my body is disagreeing with me. Its going through a withdrawel (hope I spelled that right) And its going thru it bad. Been having a bad cough and fever and everything. I called my son's father at about 1 in the morning, after asking everybody else and their mama (including my neighbors) for medicine. His background was kinda loud so I assumed he was out getting drunk. Before i even asked what I needed I hung up in his face. Two minutes later he calls back saying what's wrong is evedy...

This time last year, started off just totally awesome! I mean. I was running shit at my FULL TIME JOB. I had moved into my own apt with me and my son. Had a sweet car. Everything was good. Income tax time came and I furnished my whole apartment. Life was fuckin good. The blessings were coming from all directions. Then. Someone broke into my house. Stole everything. Everything. Almost lost my apartment after that. Had a big fall out with my mom whom I still have yet heard from since September. Then I lost my car. Almost lost my house again. Lost all my friends. I had no one to lean on. But myself. I felt so alone. I still feel alone til this day. Everyday something always happens. And whenever something happens, I question GOD. I ask Him all the time "why me? What did I do to deserve all this bad stuff that happens in my life? Why am I being punished IF this is punishment?" People tell me give my problems to God. I don't know how to do that. I may sound dumb I'd I say...

Gotta love it.

I cried. I cried for help. God answered. No other physical, human life form, answered, but you. I thank God. I thank you. I live you.... . Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8