Say It.

First off,I want to say Merry Christmas to all. Secondly, I just want to express what I feel right now.  Got the bud light in my hand, my lil man is sleep ( my son) And I got  alot on my mind its unreal. LONELINESS. ITS HORRIBLE. Christmas for me was awesome. I didn't get anything I wanted but LIFE That's all that matters. It's cold, and weary outside. It would have been nice to have a special someone with me. I do have my son. And that is awesome. But, another body, to share warmth with, would have just topped it off. I don't want to sound selfish. But, I am just tired of being lonely. I want a companion. I want LOVE. I NEED LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.  FROM ANOTHER. LOVE. WHERE ARE YOU????? *Neurosis at her Best*

UUGGHH. These past weeks events have taken a toll on me.  It's just been crazy. My new job is awesome though. but i could have just, Well I don't know.  Now, I have possibly messed up his whole life. I really hope I haven't. Not even for my sake, but for my son's sake. I have been so busy it's unreal. I will update on these past currents events, but right now, I GOTTA get my head right. As I sit here, and drink this budlight, thoughts roaming thru my head right now, I just feel like shit, and like a big hypocrite. I want to talk, but refusal is in the air. IT SUCKS. Just hope I don't see the silver cuffs when Thursday gets here.    *Neurosis at her Best*

Ever since my son was born, everybody and their mother, brother, father, grandparents, EVERYBODY; kept telling me, to put my son's father on child support. And I said, "For what?" There is no point putting him on it, and he is DOING FOR MY CHILD. {{My personal opinion as far as child support is concerned, and facts from what I am going through with my child as far as him being taken cared for.}} Even when my son's father was NOT working, my son was still taken cared for; whether I bought stuff for him, or he got stuff for him. He didn't want for NOTHING. AT ALL. So I AUTOMATICALLY dismissed the issue of child support. People told me I was stupid and dumb for not doing it, just because of what me and my son's father were going through between each other. It had nothing to do with our child. I let all of that go. A situation I got into, to where i got put out of my mother's house for the umpteenth time, my son's father tried to keep him away from me. For...

So, i purposely, left Part 1 post of this title, OPEN TO THE PUBLIC {{of this household, that is}} So, maybe being the nosy people they are, they would walk by and read it, and understand and feel my wrath. I KNOW they read it, and I guess they obviously don't care. So, today, my son was walking fine, when I got off work and went to get him from daycare. He was perfectly fine. Somehow, between that hour and NOW, he starts limpin and you pick him by him arms to stand him up, he flops back down, as if his leg was hurting or something.  So, they asking me what's wrong with him, I said nothing, he is fine, until I seen the fact that he was limping. So the annoying "Jade you are a horrible parent" QUESTIONS started rollin in. Check his diaper, did he poop? Did he hurt himself, well what did he do? You gotta watch him. WAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCKERY. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. Don't ask me questions. DON'T TRY TO FUCKIN CHECK HIS DIAPER WHILE I AM HOLDING HIM AND EXAMINE...

TATUM DE'VONN BURROUGHS IS MY CHILD. MY CHILD ONLY. DO NOT TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO WITH HIM. DO NOT TELL ME THAT HE IS HUNGRY OR NEEDS TO BE CHANGED. DO NOT GIVE HIM SNACKS IN WHOLE AND HE ONLY HAS FOUR TEETH. DO NOT TALK TO HIM LIKE HE IS A TEENAGER AND HE IS ONLY ONE. IF I DO THAT THEN THAT IS ME CAUSE I AM HIS PARENT. I AM HIS MOTHER. NO ONE ELSE IS HIS MOTHER. GRANDMOTHERS DO NOT COUNT. FRIENDS DO NOT COUNT. YOU DIDN'T GET CUT OPEN TO BRING HIM HERE. YOU DIDN'T CARRY HIM FOR NINE MONTHS. I DID. DO NOT CALL MY NAME AS IF I AM NEGLECTING MY CHILD JUST BECAUSE HE "WALKED TOWARDS THE STAIRS." HE DIDNT EVEN GET ON THEM. DO NOT TAKE HIS BOTTLE OR HIS SIPPY CUP AWAY FROM HIM JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK HE IS FULL. HE IS FULL WHEN HE IS READY TO BE FULL. HE KNOW WHEN HE DOESN'T WANT ANYMORE. DON'T ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW I PREPARE HIS MEALS, OR HIS BOTTLES OR WHATEVER. IF I DON'T WARM IT UP, SO THE FUCK WHAT? HE WON'T DIE. IF I DON'T GIVE H...

I don't know what it is, about the Tiger. Beautiful isn't the word.  Just like a man may like an ass on a woman; or a woman may like the hands on a man. It's just something, about tigers, that spark an arousal for me. I do like cats also. I've always wanted a cat. I've had a cat {[Actually 2}} when i was younger, and lived with my grandmother before she past.  It's not only tigers. I love leopards, cheetahs, jaguars, that whole class, etc. etc.  BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL. GOD'S BEAUTIFUL CREATION ON EARTH.  I have never ever, seen a animal so beautiful.  What makes it even better,  is this selection of photos I have scrounged around for,  {{I do not own up to these pictures, THEY ARE NOT MINE.}} They are in black and white. Black happens to be my favorite color, if you haven't already noticed. =) Black and white photos, PERIOD, are....I don't know exactly. They just say alot. Well, to me, my personal opinion.  Still shots, mean more th...

NOW. I HAVE TO ADMIT. WHEN I FIRST HEARD THIS SONG, IT WAS AT THE END OF DEGRASSI'S NEW BOILING POINT EPISODES. {{YES, I AM 23YRS YOUNG AND I DO STILL WATCH DEGRASSI SOMETIMES. JUDGE ME IF YOU'D LIKE BUT YOUR NOT GOD. }} AND WHEN I FIRST HEARD HER VOICE, {{MY HEAD WAS DOWN, AS I DEVOURED MY BAKED TILAPIA WITH WHITE RICE THAT NIGHT}}  I WASN'T DRAWN TO IT, BUT AS I HEARD HER WORDS, IN THE SONG, I WAS A LITTLE MOVED.  HER LYRICS TO THE SONG OVERPOWERED HER VOICE. I AM NOT THE ONE TO JUDGE; IT'S JUST THE SIMPLE FACT, THAT HER VOICE IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT. SHE REMINDED OF ME OF MACY GRAY FOR A MINUTE, BEFORE I LOOKED HER UP TO SEE WHO IT REALLY WAS BEHIND THE MUSIC. NEVER HEARD OF THIS WOMAN BEFORE, BUT I HOPE TO HEAR MORE OF HER.   I AM MOST DEFINITELY IN LOVE WITH THIS SONG. I 'll sing you sweet song, if you say to. I'll write you the saddest of all words, rhymes and phrases. I will be your everything and I will try to give you everything back.  But I cannot g...

I was always taught, to NEVER NEED a man. So why do I fee like I need him? Is it for security?  Is it to keep the feeling that someone wants or loves me? Maybe I am tired of being alone. I don't know what it is, but I wish the feeling would go away. I don't need him, because it's obvious that he doesn't need me. He doesn't want me. He doesn't even respect the fact that I am the mother of his child. At least give me that much credit. He doesn't even respect me as a person. I don't understand it. As I sit here in front of my laptop, thinking, I realize that I do need him to be a father to my son. That's it. Or is it really?

Even though it's pretty late, my son has finally come back home to me! It was originally planned, for me to get him when I got off of work earlier today, around 330pm. But his father, being the arrogant asshole that he is, didn't give him to me until 1030pm. On top of that, HE didn't even bring him to me. His sister did. I was ok with that, just as long as it wasn't his mother.  So we exchange words, and all that good stuff, I pack my beautiful creation and his bag into the house, TO FIND DISAPPOINTMENT.  First off, I didn't receive his 2 sippy cups; I was a little upset about that.  Second, I received a total of 12 diapers. 8 were a size 4, and the other 4 diapers were a size 5. Now, My son's father, and his mother, have a habit of being the parents and grandparents they are, of buying things for my son. Which is fine, but I don't see anything they buy. Everything they purchase for him, they leave it over there. Whether it be clothes, shoes, toys, etc. etc....

Hope you Like the video. I just made it right...Just bored. VENTING, actually. Basically summed up what I wrote below.  *Neurosis at her Best*

First, let me start off by saying, that my week hasn't really been bad. For the simple fact that I finally {{BY THE GRACE OF GOD}} have a job. Now, I am having income rolling in. This past Monday has been my first day. To start off the week: MONDAY STARTED TRAINING CLASSES FOR MY POSITION; SUPPOSEDLY AT 630AM, DIDN'T GET A CALL UNTIL 1045AM TO MAKE IT THERE AT 1130AM.  CAR GETS REPOSSESSED FROM THE PARKING LOT ON MY FIRST DAY {{WHICH WAS MONDAY}} UUGGHH. MY SON'S CAR SEAT WAS IN THE CAR, ALONG WITH OTHER IMPORTANT THINGS. DUE TO THE FACT THAT MY PARENTS CAN'T {OR WONT} HELP WITH BABYSITTING FOR MY SON, HIS FATHER HAD TO COME BACK AND GET HIM AND I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE LAST THURSDAY. {{I WILL GET HIM BACK TODAY.}} I OWE OVER A THOUSAND ALMOST $1400 TO GET MY CAR BACK, WITHIN 10 DAYS WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE, SINCE I DON'T GET MY FIRST PAYCHECK UNTIL NOV. 5TH. MY MOTHER SAID I COULD USE HER OLD CAR, BUT IT DIDNT START. NOW I HAVE TO PAY TO GET IT A TUNE UP ...

Some people they calling me crazy, For falling in love with you. They can take me and lock me way, baby. Cause there's nothing those bars can do. I'll be the rising moon, after the setting sun. Just to let you know, you'll always have someone.  I'll be the clearest day, when the rain is done, So you'll always know...... Through the shake of an earthquake, I will never fall. That's how strong my love is. Through a ship through the storm we can risk it all, That's how strong my love is.  I used to be kind of lonely. Cause the world it can be so fake. All that matters I'm telling you  Is you and me only. And the fortress from love we make.  I'll be the water you need  In a desert land. Just to let you know, you'll always have a hand. I'll be the women you need to be a better man, so you'll always know.... Through the shake of an earthquake, I will never fall.  That's how strong my love is.  Like a shift through the storm we can risk it a...

I write. I write, for the simple fact that, No one listens to me. If someone just happens to listen to me, their response is nothing but negativity. I don't want to hear negativity. I want positive. I've done my research, and one reason why people commit suicide, is because they have problems within themselves, or in Life. They reach out to speak to someone about it for help, and they do not receive it. {{SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE}} Blogging is pretty good also. Blogging is not like these social networks, to see how many people can follow you, or who you can become friends with. It's about expressing yourself when no one else is listening. *Neurosis at her Best*

Soon as you get here, I'll be ready to make love. It will be so crystal clear, that I'm ready, to make Love. I'm ready to Love. Yearning for your body, your my woman you deserve good, Love. I'm feigning for your kisses, your my misses, I'm gonna give you good Love. I just love this song, so I decided to post it. =D *Neurosis at her Best*